Beary Manilow

My correspondence with Beary was always brief and somewhat staccato, leading me to think that he was very busy as he was at work. When he arrived at my place on a Monday afternoon with a armful of gear, a sugar-free Red Bull and a tired look in his eye, I knew that he definitely was up to some fun after what seemed like a busy workweek.

I had to first had to ask about his moniker, Beary. Was it a stage name, drag name, nom de plume? He said it was just kind of a different identity to his everyday work life self, a different persona. I understood, as someone who spends a lot of time online and read through part of Naomi Klein’s Doppelganger before it was returned to the library, the idea of being a different “self” was fresh in my mind. 

He did say that he’s not really a fan of the real Barry Manilow’s music and it’s “just fine.” He was more into the relationship between Barry and Bette Midler. He and I were shocked how people were not aware of how Bette came to fame in bathhouses and how her identity as a faghag has kind followed her to this day. He also mentioned how he would watch Beaches over and over as a child, which funnily enough I did as well (it was an obsession of my sister’s and we only had one VCR at the time). We did not get too “back in my day” but I have been pointing out that queerness no longer feels like it has a culture, especially post-1990s. This has been talked about by a few people, but after the AIDS crisis and “cleaning up our act,” queerness lost its culture it feels and now we have tenderqueers complaining about bars being the only place for gay people to meet, kink at pride and age gap discourse, without them realizing that is part of our culture. Those are parts of what made all of us faggots.

Beary then mentioned he was going through a divorce. With Obergerfell on its deathbed, it is odd to think that people would be getting a divorce at the moment, but I told him I am actually very much in favor of couples coming to mutual understanding that it didn’t work out. However, Beary’s divorce came as a bit of a surprise to him, which made me instantly feel like shit for saying what I just said. He didn’t seem to be upset though, because we then went on to take photos for a few hours, but I felt like a fucking idiot. 

Beary had also mentioned that we wanted to move back home to Chicago after his divorce, feeling more at home there. Being born and raised here in Southern California (and too poor to ever travel), I did not relate. But I did understand where he was coming from when he mentioned the beauty standards in LA are hard to live up to. He mentioned the frustration of being ignored for not being a roided gym bunny, which is kind of the standard in parts of LA even when being considered a “bear.” Though, more attention has come his way, since losing 70lbs, but there he said he feels as though there is pressure in LA to look a certain way that he just was not able to conform to. I can’t totally say I disagree, LA is full of hot people and even among bears, you can’t just be fat, you have to have some degree of muscle, sometimes even be a muscle bear, for you to get any attention. The standards are pretty high.

Beary was quick to disrobe, which I did not mind, but I tried to slow us down so I could get in a few more questions and get to know him a bit more. Though it was great that there was no “warm up” period, he was more than happy to spend this afternoon with me. 

I wanted to know more about his necklace, which bears his moniker. I asked if he was a raver, now or previously, which he laughed at the notion. He answered “no,” and said that it was just from Etsy. But he wasn’t against the raver scene, it just wasn’t for him. But these LA parties where drugs and dancing were abound weren’t really for him. He and I were both the same age and I suggested, at least for me, I seemed to have aged out of that entirely. He agreed, but also the types of drugs passed were not to his liking, the feeling not something he likes experiencing. As someone who has only ever really been high off weed and I nearly regret it every time if that quarter of a gummy I take hits too hard, I sympathized somewhat. 

Beary was not against orgies or sex parties, however, which he was just at, hence the sleepy look in his eyes. He enjoyed the feel and company of men. He mentioned that he wasn’t terribly kinky, despite the gear he brought. The only real kinks he participated in were nipple torture and breeding (both being bred and breeding). I asked him about breeding, as in the current age with access to PrEP and DoxyPEP, bareback sex is much more common, but referring to it as breeding has a different sexual component to it, which was born from a time before access to these drugs. He said that he loved the idea of “carrying around another man’s babies,” inside of him, that there was something hot about walking around with a load in him, like he branded or constantly being stimulated by someone’s pheromones.

I asked if he was into cruising, which he said no, the only cruising he really did was at the spas. I mentioned I also really enjoy our local crop of spas, but not for cruising. However, even just a regular Korean spa almost always has men looking to cruise, which I find so fascinating because of the security there. He and I both noticed there’s a phenomenon with Korean spas and cruisers, that suddenly these ripped muscle guys who would pay no attention to a bear like Beary or I would now suddenly be very interested in us. Obviously those buff guys are there to be admired and they’re gonna try and get it from whomever, but it’s strange to think that a fat hairy guy is only good when you have no other options. I also mentioned to Beary that I think secretly a lot of these muscle guys don’t have a fetish for other muscle, but just big bodies, to which he agreed. I mentioned I have had plenty of sex with very muscular men, who seemed to be turned on by a bigger body, and though he did not mention his own experiences, I think many bears have had this experience with muscular guys. 

We continued to talk and I just began to candidly take photos, with minimal direction. I felt as though, just based on our very casual conversation, I wanted to capture that same casual feel. I didn’t use any reference poses, but instead just let Beary feel sexy however he felt, showing off what he wanted to. I also avoided using a flash this time to fill the room with extra light, really enjoying the moody shadows cast on Beary’s body, in a way symbolizing the separation between his personas. 

After our shoot, we said our goodbyes. I’ve talked to Beary a bit since the photoshoot, and he is still here in the LA area. But if and when he moves, Chicago will be getting a very handsome, sweet bear. I hope that he finds what he needs in the Midwest and that our paths may cross once again for some more photos.